Monday, 30 November 2009

Mallu jokes

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh Woh and Yen
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto
11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mallus to get a free sample of kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mallus to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Maluls to get a set of BROGUN bones....

Sunday, 29 November 2009

India-Heaven on earth!

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. ' O.K., thank you,' said the American. He then traveled to Pakistan , Srilanka , Russia , Germany and France . In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10,000 per call' sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone.
He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read
'One Rupee per call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
'Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?'
The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in India now, son - it's a local call'. This is the only heaven on the Earth.

Saturday, 28 November 2009

"The Road Not Taken" a poem by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

More brain stuff!

More Brain Stuff From Cambridge University

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed tihs psas it on!!

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Brain Teasers

Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.

More than likely you said, 'A bird in the bush,' and if this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see that the word THE is repeated twice! Sorry, look again.

You may not see it at first, but the white spaces read the word optical, the blue landscape reads the word illusion. Look again! Can you see why this painting is called an optical illusion?

What do you see here?

This one is quite tricky!

The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.

 What do you see?

You probably read the word ME in brown, but when you look through ME you will see YOU! Do you need to look again?

Monday, 23 November 2009

The Rendezvous

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station.
He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.
His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin.
The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address.
She now lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.
During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like.
When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York City.
"You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel".
So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen.
I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:
"A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive."
"I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips, 'Going my way, sailor' she murmured."
"Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell."
"She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes."
The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own."
"And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her.
"This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful."
I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment"
"I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?"
The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile.
"I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street."
"She said it was some kind of test!"
It's not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. "Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are."

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference!

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure out how to fix the engine.
Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer...... ......... ........ $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......... ......... ...... $ 9, 998.00

Saturday, 21 November 2009


A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell in
to the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude...
How much water did you drink!?'

Friday, 20 November 2009

Ultimate Truth..!!!!!!!!!!

A Wife is a wife.....

No matter who you are?

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Characteristics Of An Indian

You are an Indian if .....................

1. Everything you eat is savoured in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.
3. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think its normal.
6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to mark up.
7. You recycle wedding gifts.
8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Honey & Money, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam.)
9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed'
11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
14. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think but they won't let you do certain things because of what others 'Uncles & Aunties' will think.
15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions, which never happen.
16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with some household items).
20. You carry and stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
23. You majored in engineering, medicine or law and now........are after Software and only Software no matter which field you belong to.
24. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).
25. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
26. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
27. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
28. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train or plane.
29. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
30. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
31. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
32. You call an older person you never met before 'uncle/auntie.'
33. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
 34. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
35. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
36. When dining out, you think Rs 10 is enough of a tip.
37. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
38. You list your daughter as 'fair and slim' in the matrimonial no matter what she looks like.
39. You treat the NRI persons (especially from America) as if they are the only persons living in this world (including YOU).
40. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
41. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
42. You have really enjoyed reading this mail

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

An Inspirational story!

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Confusion confuses and creates confusion to further the confusion..........

Conversation of William Knott and Mr. Watt.

"Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
"What is your name, please?"
"Watt's my name."
"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
"No, this is Knott."
"Please tell me your name."
"Will Knott."
"Why not?"
"Huh? What do you mean why not?"
"Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
"But I told you my name!"
"Didn't you say you will not?"
"Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
"That's what I mean."
"So you know my name."
"Of course not!"
"Good. So now, what is yours?"
"Watt. Yours?"
"Your name!"
"Watt's my name."
"How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"
"Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have
not even told me yours yet."
"You have been patient, what about me?"
"I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told
me yours yet."
"Of course not!"
"See, you even know my name!"
"Of course not!"
"Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"
"Because I don't."
"What is your name?"
"See, you know my name!"
"Of course not!"
"Then why do you keep asking ,Watt, is your name?"
"To find out your name!"
"But you already know it!"
"See, but you know mine!"
"Of course not!"
"Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will be
your answer?"
"Watt's my name."
"No, no, give me only one word."
"Your name!"
[Pause before it hits him]
"Oh, Wright!"
"So why didn't you say it before?"
"I told you so many times!"
"You never said Wright before"
"Of course I did."
"Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"
"I do not."
"Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."
"I do not!"
[Pause before it hits him]
"Oh, Guud!"
"No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"
"No, it's Knott!"
"Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."
"Yes Wright."

Monday, 16 November 2009

Baked Beans

Once upon a time there lived a man who had a passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.

Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "she is such a sweet and gentle girl; she will never go for this kind of carrying on."

So making the supreme sacrifice, he gave up baked beans. They were married shortly thereafter.

It was his birthday a few months later and, on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, the man called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. They were the best beans he had ever smelled! He could not resist and had three large orders of baked beans. All the way home he had gas.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms awhile, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue-ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and, a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin. When he heard his wife saying goodbye (indicating the end of his loneliness, and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

How to win Heart?

How to win Men's Heart???

How to win Women's Heart???

Saturday, 14 November 2009

Beautiful pictures of Lord Ganesha

"Shuklaambara Dharam Vishnum, Shashi Varnam Chaturbhujam Prasanna Vadanam Dhyaayet, Sarva Vighna Upashaanthaye"

"Vakratunda Mahakaaya, Suryakoti Samaprabha Nirvighnam KuruMey Deva, Sarva Kaaryeshu Sarvada"