People wonder why the call centre guys are paid so much for just being on the phone. Take a look!1 ) Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer : “Ok.”
Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
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2) Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”
Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
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3) Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer : “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”
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4) Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (pretend to smile)
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5) Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
Tech support : ##### ***
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6) Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer : “A white one.”
Tech support : ******_____####
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7) Tech Support : “What operating system are you running?”
Customer : “Pentium.”
Tech support : ////—–+++
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8) Customer : “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
Tech support : ??????
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9) Customer : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
Tech Support : ?!%#$
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10) Customer : “How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support : ??????
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11) Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support : “What does it say?”
Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
Tech support : @@@@@
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12) Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”
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13) Tech Support : “What does the screen say now?”
Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support : “Well?”
Customer : “How do I know when it’s ready?”
Tech support : *** —- ++++
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14) A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The, tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.
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Height Of it all (Too Good)
15) Customer : I need a product identification number right now
Customer Care Officer : and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust : sure !!!!
CCO : could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
Monday, 10 May 2010
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Oh My God!
Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”
Saturday, 8 May 2010
How true is it for you?
You Can Try It Out For Yourself How true is it for you?
The birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing. To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth date together like in the example until there is only one digit. The Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want it will just color your choice differently.
Example: March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 =1973 = 1+ 9 + 7 + 3 =20 = 2+ 0 = 2
2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.
You are the _____,
1 THE ORIGINATOR
1's are originals. Coming up with n! ew ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.
Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.
2 THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally! shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.
Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoppie Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali,Jody Foster.
4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, TinaTurner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey
5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hamil.
6 - THE ROMANTIC
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their emotions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.
Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn.
7 - THE INTELLECTUAL
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned
themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically
inclined and make great researchers uncovering infor! mation. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large.
Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana.
8 - THE BIG SHOT
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grandiose plans and like to live the good life. They! are take charge people. They
view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to x-ud their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.
Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus
9 - THE PERFORMER
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making frie! nds and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.
Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Steinem, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley
Friday, 7 May 2010
NEVER LIE TO A WOMAN
A man called home to his wife and said, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we’re Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas.''
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, “Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?
You’ll love the answer…
The wife replied, “I did. They’re in your fishing box …..”
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, “Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?
You’ll love the answer…
The wife replied, “I did. They’re in your fishing box …..”
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Become a lake
“How does it taste?” the Master asked.
“Awful,” spat the apprentice.
The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake.
The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”
As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the Master asked, “How does it taste?”
“Good!” remarked the apprentice.
“Do you taste the salt?” asked the Master.
“No,” said the young man.
The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the ‘pain’ depends on the container we put it into!
So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things …..
Stop being a glass… Become a lake !!!
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
smuggling
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”
“Sand,” answers Juan.
The guard says, “We’ll just see about that! Get off the bike.”
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”
“Sand,” says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the
sand back to Juan, who crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated every week for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a cantina in Mexico.
“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”
Juan sips his Corona and says, “Bicycles.”
“Sand,” answers Juan.
The guard says, “We’ll just see about that! Get off the bike.”
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”
“Sand,” says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the
sand back to Juan, who crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated every week for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a cantina in Mexico.
“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”
Juan sips his Corona and says, “Bicycles.”
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
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